


the deep blue.

by signofhetime



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Depressing, Emotional, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Raising Awareness, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, double suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13554612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signofhetime/pseuds/signofhetime
Summary: *trigger warnings; suicide, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide*- this is something i wrote after watching a very impacting speech on suicide and by no means do i mean to trigger or hurt anyone.  i am trying to raise awareness.  i understand that this is a very sensitive issue and not for everyone, i admire each and every one of you equally.  notes at the end include more details.  if you ever feel alone, or you just want someone to reach out to, don’t feel afraid to message me.thank you.





	the deep blue.

_His fingers are numb. He can feel his palms sting relentlessly against the sharp wind. His nose is a harsh pink. His hair is incredibly dishevelled and stray hairs point in every direction possible. His cheeks are damp, stained by the anguish he has released for the past few hours. Stained by the accumulation of every dark emotion he has ever felt. He is only metres from the dock._

  
She is walking home when she sees him. Her fingertips are white as she clenches her fists by her sides. Work was horrible, but work is always horrible. She has felt this empty for many months now, the overwhelming sensation of being forgotten sweeping over her like the night sky over the clouds. She is alone. It hurts, it torments her, but it is the reality faces every minute of the day. Not even sleep can sate her. She is broken, and she is alone. If she disappeared, would anyone care?

  
He’s wearing a deep navy pea coat, she observes, with what appears to be a white shirt, but she only has the pale moonlight to go off and the deception of the night is unforgiving, so she isn’t sure. He is cold. She knows this by the tremble he releases every so often. His hands are delved in his pockets, and he is staring at the water.

  
“It’s a bit cold to ocean gaze, don’t you think?” She says, stepping next to him. He doesn’t turn to her.  
After a moment or two, he scoffs. “I like the water. It helps me escape the torment that I have to call my life. The water doesn’t tell me I’m a failure.”  
“I can understand that.” She smiles slightly.   
“You can?” He turns, a barely-there grin plastered on his chapped lips.

  
“I can.” She nods, her voice a small whisper. “I’m alone. I’m tired of living. It hurts.”  
He nods his concurrence. “I feel exactly the same.”  
“Do you ever just want to… throw it all away?” He gazes at her briefly, a thoughtful gaze albeit, full of swirling emptiness. His dull, blue eyes are full of lost hope.   
“What kind of question is that?” She stifles a laugh.  
“Is that a yes?”  
“It’s an of course I do.” She sighs, running a hand through her blonde hair.   
“Would you… ever go through with it?” He continues, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.   
“I… I’ve tried.” She swallows thickly, coughing to mask her eyes watering. The memory is painful, one she’d rather forget, but it didn’t happen. She thinks herself unfortunate.   
“Oh - I’m… I’m so sorry…” He says quietly, his voice shaky.

  
“Don’t be,” She laughs bitterly, tears stinging her cold cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m here to tell the tale.”  
“Oh, love, I feel dreadful now…”  
“Why?” She asks, wishing she could erase the word from existence immediately. _She pried where she should not have._  
“I’m going away today.”  
“You are? Oh - I’ll miss you, I was kind of growing to like you.” She smiles softly. “Where are you going?”  
He only points upwards.   
“No - no, you can’t.” She becomes frantic. “I’m still here, you can’t go. No, please don’t go.”  
“It is my destiny.” He grimaces, “I know that I will be safe up there. My torment will end.”

  
She is crying by then.

  
“No, no, you can’t. You have your whole life ahead of you.”  
“What life?” He scoffs, “You share my sentiment, there is nothing left here for me.”  
They both turn their attention back to the water, observing how the wind has noticeably calmed.   
“It’s very peaceful.” He remarks.   
“It was, until you shattered my illusion.” She whispers. She’s sorry, so very sorry that she ever pried. She tries to plead, she tries to convince him to stay, she spends at least half an hour begging, sobbing, shaking him relentlessly. Nothing will give. He has made up his mind.

  
“Fine, I can’t stop you.” Emma sniffles, one last stray tear escaping her. “So I’m coming with you.”  
“What? No. No way. I couldn’t let you do that.”  
“You can. And you will. I’m tired of this life, too, and I know that my guilt would drive me to it eventually. Might as well get it over with, huh?” She laughs slightly, her green eyes glistening in the moonlight. Her head rolls back, and she begins laughing hysterically.

  
“Are you alright, love?” He queries, his voice laced with worry.   
“More than alright, I’m finally going to see my parents.” She grins suddenly, reaching for his hand aimlessly. She finds it eventually; he’s freezing.   
He stares at her sympathetically, “Love…” He begins, so she stops him before he can object.  
“They died in a fire when I was four. I don’t remember them. And don’t apologise—”  
“If you insist.” He retreats, squeezing her hand tightly.   
“Are you scared?” She croaks, staring right at him. Her soul is breaking in front of him.   
“Terrified. But I have faith. We will be just fine. Are you?” He still doesn’t want her to do this. But he would a hypocrite if he stopped her. They are finally going to be free.   
“I’m not scared,” She shakes her head. “We’re doing this together, right?”

 _Together_.

He nods hastily, taking one last look at the water. It would be their chariot to escape the roaring pits of Hell, their light in the darkest times, their getaway car. They would be released from all the pain.   
They step forward, hand in hand, their eyes not leaving each other.   
“I hope you finally get to see your mother and father.” He smiles, tears rolling down his cheeks.   
She nods gratefully, “And I hope we meet again.”   
“As do I. I just have one more question… What is your name?”  
“Emma,” She cries, finding it impossible not to smile. “What’s yours?”  
“Killian. Are you ready?” He smiles tenderly, clutching her hand.   
“Almost… I have one question for you, if you don’t mind.”  
“Go ahead.” He gestures, his hands wafting in a blur in the scarce moonlight.   
“Can I kiss you?”

  
His reaction is instant, pressing his lips to hers within mere seconds. His lips are dry and cold, but they are also everything she could possibly need. She finally feels whole. She has known this man for about an hour, and he has changed her life. He made her complete; and now she is ready.   
“I’m ready.” She breathes, pressing her forehead against his in the darkness.   
“As am I.”

  
She spends her last moments contemplating the day she lost her parents, and how everyday since has been some sort of torture for her. She thinks about people she has lost along the way. All the friends she never made, boys she never kissed, foster parents she never liked. And she is finally at peace with at all. All the pain sweeps away, rippling off into the ocean as if she has picked it up and thrown it out to sea like a pebble.   
“Here goes nothing.”

  
He spends his last moments thinking about his broken family, the absence of a father or mother. His poor brother that was tasked with raising him alone, until his untimely death at 18. He has been alone ever since. No friends, no family, no one to turn to. He was alone until he met Emma an hour ago. Time is a funny thing, he thinks. His final thought.   
“Here goes.”

  
They look at each other one last time - he absorbs the faint outline of her grin in the dim light, she relishes the soft expression on his lips. It is magnificent. And it is all they need. Hand in hand, at once, they release themselves. Their bodies crash into the water simultaneously, still holding each other as their lungs fill with the substance they adore so much. The one that sets them free.

  
All of a sudden, they are warm. They are whole and content, no cold or empty feeling to torment them. And most importantly, they are together. Together, floating in the deep blue unknown.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or need someone to talk to, your voice will be heard. You are important.   
> Suicide hotlines -  
> UK: 116 123 (Samaritans)  
> USA: 1-800-273-8255  
> Australia: 13 11 14 (Lifeline)  
> France: 01-45-39-40-00  
> New Zealand: 0800 543 354 (Lifeline)  
> Netherlands: 0900-1450  
> Germany: 0800 1110 111  
> (If you don’t live in one of these countries feel free to reach out to me, you are not alone and I am always here if you want to talk.)


End file.
